Cornerstones continued

Self-Esteem: Perhaps there is no more frequently occuring and misunderstood theme in psychotherapy than self-esteem. Self-esteem is not handing all the first-graders awards and prizes for being the best in something, because self-esteem is more about the journey than already being there.

Healthy people will see themselves as possessing a mix of qualities but recognize that they are the authors of their own actions. Self-esteem resides in taking responsibility for our own lives, which may involve reflection and self-criticism. While self-esteem isn’t about feeling good all the time, it is about feeling that we are worthy of happiness. In the words of Nathaniel Branden, “Positive self-esteem is the immune system of the spirit.”

Therapy can nurture a person’s sense of competence in moving through life. Crisis can make us feel that things are spinning out of control, but even those life transitions we welcome can tax our coping skills. Rather than merely react to whatever comes our way, we can learn to respond in ways that help us grow. Stepping outside situations and persons, psychotherapy can help us make good choices and seek fulfilling experiences.

Empathy and self-esteem go in hand in hand. Empathy is about connectedness and building relationships. Self-esteem is about independence and feeling comfortable in your own skin. The process of psychotherapy should work towards achieving a balance.